Excuse Me, But I Just Have to Explode

I sat nervously trying to color, piece, and tie together wires to styrofoam balls. My fingers had known the burning sensation of the glue gun 15 too many times. Finally I was on the last ball. A small ball colored a frosty blue (please no sick jokes here). It had to resemble something cold and icelike. Like Hillary Clinton, but not that cold.

I was 13 then and thankfully knew nothing of Hillary Clinton. What I did know was that I was 9 hours away from presenting the final science project of the school year. A good grade would guarantee happiness for one and all during the summer. The project was announced 2 weeks previously, of course I started the night before.

The last small ball was positioned onto the curved end of the wire and a glob of heated glue was added to secure it. I took hold of a string and lifted it up as high as my arms would reach. Nine balls in various shapes and colors hung from that string and slowly rotated around one large yellow styrofoam ball labeled "Sun". Like God examining his creations on the seventh day I accepted my model of the universe by saying, "It is good."

Today, that model is not so good.

Some geeks in Prague, Czech Republic denounced my model, and every other model of the universe created by kids over the last 70 years, as a big stinky pile of ant doo. "Nope, Pluto is NOT a planet. Thus sayeth the almighty overlords of all things non-important but want to feel important because we still can't get dates." Yes, in a stunning reversal of 70 years of scientific "fact" Pluto suddenly, and quite dramatically, became a non-planet. In true scientific political incorrectness they now classify Pluto a "dwarf planet". Essentially what this means is Pluto can no longer join in any planetary games, unless it is to retrieve the basketball that mistakenly under a table.

The head geek from the conference, coincidently enough wearing a blue Star Trek shirt and Spock ears, proclaimed "This is really all about science, which is all about getting new facts." New facts apparently means changing definitions and calling them "discoveries". Makes me wonder if I can talk them into lowering the IQ definition of genius.

The next morning after this announcement I awoke with thanks because the sun still came up as it always has. While observing the sunrise I couldn't help but wonder about Pluto; that poor wasteless and cold ball of something floating in an oval orbit inside and outside of Neptune. An old mnemonic saying that I was taught while memorizing the names of the nine planets came back to me: My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas. I tear formed in my eye as I realized there will be no more pizzas. No more pizzas because scientists say so.

There is a one thing I have learned from all of this: when geeky scientists meet for a conference, you better watch Uranus.



Pluto during happier times.