Been Dazed and Confused for So Long it's Not True

I was going to give you an intriguing postumentary on the history of dental floss today, but something else came up that I must get off my chest.

It has probably happened to all of you. You create an email, you check it for grammar and spelling, and finally decide it has passed your stringent quality assurance standards. After you click 'send' you return to your normal daily routine of comparing ingredients on shampoo bottles. What is sodium laureth sulfate anyway?

At some point in the future you get a reply to your email which also includes your original email. A quick glance at your first email reveals a monstrosity of an error. An error that you can't believe ever happened. For example, in one email I sent today I was responding with a statement that a specific piece of information should have previously been sent but was not. When I first sent the email the line read "I should have sent that to you in the beginning." Upon examination in a subsequent email that line showed as "I should I sent that in the beginning."

What the hell happened here? Are there email gremlins that switch words around in order for me to look like an idiot to others? Is Bill Gates behind it? Is this some sort of terrorist espionage that will bring down the United States by making us look like complete morons? Whatever the cause, I decided to do some research into my past emails to see if there is a pattern. I am amazed at what I found. Below are lines from emails with what was in the original and changed versions.

To My Boss:

Original - "Attached you will find my project report."
Changed - "Attached you will find a shard of glass from a beer bottle that you can shove up your ass."

To a friend:

Original - "How about getting together with our families on Sunday to watch the Super Bowl?"
Changed - "How about getting together and swapping wives? But I don't want yours, she is a skank and smells funny. So bring a hooker instead."

To a co-worker:

Original - "I am nervous about the lay-offs that are happening."
Changed - "I am nervous about the lay-offs so I told your boss you are bored and don't have anything to do."

To my Senator:

Original - "Please support legislation to stop global warming."
Changed - "Please support legislation that will legalize my sexual desires involving ferrets."

To another blogger:

Original - "Happy HNT!!"
Changed - "Happy HNT...you loser!"

A fan letter I sent:

Original - "Brett (Favre), good luck on kicking ass next year."
Changed - "Dear Mary Kate. I don't care for Ashley all that much. I (heart) you more."

To a Radical Muslim:

Original - "I sympathize with you on the offensive nature of those cartoons."
Changed - "Moohoomudd funny! He funny funny prophet man."

To a magazine publisher:

Original - "Please renew my subscription to Brokeback Monthly."
Changed - "Please renew my subscription to Brokeback Monthly."

Interesting findings, huh? Does anyone else have this same problem?