Dancin' and Singin' and Movin' to the Groovin'

I came home from work tonight feeling a little frisky. You know how it is when friskiness gets into you. You must lay down some funky white boy mixes.

Anyway, I turned onto my driveway and was stopped by a ferret brandishing a steak knife. I don't know what your experiences are like, but talking to a ferret is never ever easy. Especially when one is holding a knife and wearing a black headband. Kind of like the one Daniel-san wore in Karate Kid.

I tried to pull around the rodent but he just stepped into the path of the vehicle with a determined look in his eyes. Of course, I first checked to see if anyone was watching before I ran that bastard over. I live in a respectable neighborhood. When the day occurs that I am arrested I want my neighbors to be able to say to reporters, "He was such a nice man. I never would have known he would have done this."

As I rolled the car slowly forward (you have to go slowly, you want to have just the right amount of bone crunching and blood squishing) the damn thing shoved the knife into my tire and caused a flat.

I got out with a menacing sounding growl of, "Why you little..." Before I could say what little thing he was he shoved the knife into my shin. I hopped around in pain and swearing the cursing only a ferret would be offended by. He wasn't.

A neighbor did witness this event and captured it in a drawing. Interestingly enough that person is a court reporter and, as all court reporters are skilled to do, caught the scene beautifully. That is one freakin' gigantic ferret.



I left my car in the street so I could run into my house to take care of the bleeding wound. My gay hamsters sat chewing on some seeds with a gleeful look in their eye. I have seen that mysterious look before and questioned them on it.

Needless to say I was shocked. Without my knowledge and approval those damned hamsters sold the rights to control my driveway and garage to a guinea pig on the other side of the neighborhood. I got that guinea pig on the phone so I could share my disapproval and to tell him to call off his knife wielding ferrets. But all I got out of him was, "Cheek, squeak, teek teek teek cheeeeee." My guinea pig language skills are not very current, but I think he said, "Suck off sewer scumass."

I am not sure where this will lead, but I really really need access to my garage.