Let’s Plug a Bomb in Everyone’s Arse

I need inspiration. Or a good colonoscopy. I know people that have that procedure done every spring and fall just to "get the cobwebs out". I prefer to do it about once every 4 years. Usually I do it right around the time of the Olympics. However, it has become really hard to decide which Olympics to synch it up with. At one time I had it done right between the winter and summer games. Then they decided to split them out every two years. Whoa boy, was I ever hurting.

Back to the inspiration part...

I sit here looking at a blank blogger post screen. Sure, there is the crap above about my regular "cleanings". But everyone does that. And there is now this...stuff...ummm...I am.......w...riting...NOW. That was weird.

But who really wants to read this? So I need help. I, seriously, really need help.

This doesn't happen very much to me. I usually have something to say. Not today. It is like the "Magical Writers Block Fairy With a Purple TuTu" has come to my home and sucked any grey matter that was left hanging around discussing Plutarch at the local Starbucks into its "Magical Sucking of Ideas Vacuum-Type Thingee". Let me tell you, when the fairy sucks we all pay the price.

Therefore, I beg not only for your forgiveness but help in inspiring me to post something useful. My only goal in life is to make you happy. I can't make you happy if I am not happy. And when I am not happy I start hiding WMD's in various locations around my house and wait patiently for the UN inspectors to be paid off by the Oil For Food For Old Issues of Penthouse people who will then, in turn, say I am only a misunderstood dictator who just needs a good colon cleaning.

Bennet actually gave me a good idea for a practical joke. He said that it would be funny to create an air freshener spray that would smell like crap. I think that many of the major sprays already smell like crap. Actually they smell like flowers that a bird has crapped on. However, I began to sense the idea. The spray would smell like actual human feces.

The can would be placed in a public restroom. Probably in a men's office restroom because we all know that women don't stink. They just make 'foofing' sounds then everything smells like Georgio.

So it must be in a mans bathroom. A man comes in and does his...umm...doody. It is a real scorcher of a doody too (or is it spelled 'doodie'?). Of course, he doesn't want the next guy to come in and think the fragrance came from him so he sees his way out with the can of 'air freshner'. The can would have pictures of pretty flowers on it even though a real man would actually not use a can like that. Maybe if the can had pretty flowers being held by a hot, big-chested, blonde or brunette. That would do it.

When the can is sprayed only a fecal smell would eminate from it. Here is where it gets funny...hold on...here it comes...ok...the guy would keep spraying because he would think his 'business' was really that bad smelling. He goes on spraying to try to cover it up only to make it worse. This would go on, probably another 10 minutes, until his boss comes in and fires him for
just being stupid. Everyone in HR would laugh a good hardy laugh because they are always the ones who do things like this. Don't let their "look at me, I work in HR and my foofs don't stink" attitude fool you. They would eat their own puppys if given the chance.

There you have it. I have nothing. I have resorted to stealing other peoples ideas. You might just want to visit Bennet. I owe him at least that.

And Lisa, I am sorry. I am probably not very hilarious anymore. But I will continue to try. Maybe after my colonoscopy.