I Never Thought I'd Have an Admirer From Overseas

I never thought it would happen to me. It is almost like that time when I was young and I wondered what sex was like. Then when it happened, I still wondered what sex was like.

You may have heard over the years about the internet "story" of a suddenly rich boy who inherited money from his parents. The dying wish his parents had was that he find someone in the U.S. to help him invest the money properly. In return for the assistance the helper would receive a grand portion of the money.

Well...guess what? I actually received such an email! Really! Below is what came to me...

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From: Henry Traore
E-mail :henry_traore1900@yahoo.fr
Abidjan, Cote d'ivoire
Tel: +225 0738 8636

Peace Be Unto You

I am Mr Henry Traore the only son of late Mr. Christopher Traore . My father and mother were very wealthy farmers and cocoa merchant when they were both alive After the death of my father,long ago, my mother was controling his business untill she was poisoned by her business associates which she surffered and died .

Before the death of my mother on March 2005 in a private hospital here in Abidjan where she was admitted, she secretly called me on her bed side and disclosed to me about the sum of four million five hundred US dollars thousand . USD ($4.5million ) she left in suspense account in one of the bank here in Abidjan , it was the money she intended to transfer oversea for investment before she was poisoned. She instructed that I should seek for a foreign partner in any country of my choice who will assist me transfer this money in oversea account where the money will be save and invested wisely.

Because of the current political problem here in Ivory Coast I decided to transfer the money to abroad where it will be save and invested. therefore, I am crying and seeking for your kind assistance in the following ways:

(1) To provide a safe bank account into where the money will be transferred for investment .
(2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am a boy of 20 years old .
(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit for me in your country.

As soon as I receive your urgent reply indicating your interest to assist me to successfuly transfer the money into your yet nominated account , I would give you all necessary information you may require. I have mapped out 20% of the total funds as mode of compensation for your effort for assisting me with this request. Expecting your urgent response via my email

address: henry_traore1900@yahoo.fr

Yours
Henry Traore

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Of course, I couldn't just let this go unanswered. The poor boy needed help.

Here is my response...

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Dear Henry,

What a sad sad thing it is to hear of the demise of your poor mother. I have no doubt in my mind that she was murdered either by the ghost of your father or a jealous lover. Yes, Henry, there would have been many jealous lovers.

It must have been heart wrenching to hear the news that your mother was a very popular prostitute. I assume you already know this. Boy oh boy, she was one of the best, too. She did this little twist move with her hand while making love that just drove her patrons crazy. I was willing to pay anything, ANYTHING, for that move.

She was a good woman (if you know what I mean…nudge nudge).

So now you have inherited her vast fortune from the…err…”cocoa merchant” business. I believe congratulations are in order. However, I must reveal another little secret. It is a secret that your mother told me not to reveal until her death. Henry, I am your father.

I know it may come as quite a shock to you, but it is true. I told your mother I would take care of you and make sure you grow into a gentleman. Have you ever read ‘Great Expectations’? Well, your life will be much like that. As a matter of fact, I shall call you ‘Pip’. You will be ‘My Little Pip’. And I will be your ‘Magwitch’.

It is a hard thing to have to take your mother’s money and raise you to be a man. But I am honored. Please leave the money in a large black garbage sack under the park bench near the old swing set at Old Mill Park. Once I have it safe in my hands I will provide room & board for you at the local Shaky Bed Motel. I know the owner there, Sal. He is a good man but has a habit of watching people take showers. There is a hole in the bathroom wall, you might want to cover that up.

At some point your education will begin. I do believe in street smarts so you may have to do a little “selling”. Prove yourself competent, my boy, then the world will be yours. I am sure some of the first lessons will be to fix your horrific english. This is America boy! Speak Spanish!!

I love you my son. I am proud of you.

AB

P.S. Just don’t forget to send the damn money.

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Think he will write back? I hope so, because I could sure use some ideas for another post in the near future!

If you would like to write him and tell him how much you would like to help, please do so. Let me know how it goes. I am just not responsible for what comes back. You dig dawg?