A Stupid Blog From My Past

There are a lot of teenage bloggers out there. Some of them actually do a pretty good job. I say 'pretty good' because we all know teenagers are just one step away from textbook stupidity. If you think there is no such thing as a textbook on stupidity then you haven't been to the bookstore lately. Because, I was the one the author dedicated the book to.

I am sure there are some real cool (or is it 'kewl'?) teenagers. I just don't know any. This realization was made after many (I do mean 'many' because I like to be detailed) searches for 'Hot Teens' in Google. Maybe you are one of them and you read this blog. If you read this regularly, then, yeah, you're ok. But face it, you are not the strongest Elmer's glue in the kindergarten class. You know what I mean?

Where, in hell, do I get the nerve to say this? I was a teenager once. I lived through those years and boy was I stooooooooooooopud. Therefore if Me + Teenager = Stupid then Teenagers + All = Stupid. And while I am at it:

Please solve for x

I know what you are thinking, and no I will not do THAT for any amount of money. But I will do it for some Sun Chips.

The other thing you are thinking is, "AB, where are you going with this?" I was pondering the other day what would I blog about if blogs were around when I was a teenager? Here is what I concluded:

1. The great profundity behind the negative affect of Bon Scott's death on the world. Especially on why the hell the group replaced him with Brian Johnson. He did rock on "Hell's Bell's", however.
2. My daily diary on my love for Tracy even though she moved away because of the restraining orders against me.
3. Political commentary on the policies of the Reagan administration. After the first post, you would never see this again.
4. My hatred of Mr. Stark my high school U.S. history teacher. I will never forget the day he humilated me in front of the whole class. How was I to know the Teapot Dome scandal wasn't about the time Redskins fans dumped a load of teapots into the Potomac river in protest of the ultimatum the team gave that if they didn't build a new football stadium they would move? But I must say Edwin Denby was the best Secretary of the Navy.
5. I would write about how utterly idiotic #4 sounds.
6. I would mock my spanish teacher who would constantly annoy us with "¿Cómo se dice en español? " whenever we would say things in english. Of course, we would say "¿Cómo se dice 'eat my gonads' en español? " He would then answer with "coma las gónadas". Then follow up with, "Yo lo quiero en el asno."
7. How much my parents just didn't understand me. Especially after they gave me a green Buick to drive. You have NO IDEA the emotional turmoil I endured with this. The hardest thing was people saying, "Nice pickle mobile!". While bludgeoning them I would yell, "¿Cómo se dice 'pickle mobile' en español?!" With a groan they would answer, "encurtir móvil". I would then yell, "IN FRENCH!" Their last words would be, "conserver au vinaigre le mobile". Afterwards we would go have a laugh at Shakey's Pizza and play Ms. PacMan.

Those are just some topics that I would probably have discussed on my blog if this medium was around in my teenage years. What would you write about it? Consider this a tag of some sorts. But if you are a teenager, don't bother...because you are stupid.