May the Sun Live Strong

There I was, trying to sell my soul on eBay (which, btw, the bidding is up to 74 cents), when my son comes in and announces to the world, "I just learned the sun is eventually going to burn out and we are all going to die!"

My younger children, upon hearing this, began to cry and say "Oh Daddy, please save us from the horrible sun!"

I proceed to comfort them by saying the sun is not going to burn out. Instead, it will expand until it eventually over takes the earth and burns us all into objects that look remarkably like Cocoa Pebbles.

My kids have yet to come up from cowering in a basement corner.

Naturally, I blame science for this. Since most scientists are poor, and without proper hygiene knowledge, I figured I would just sue the Discovery Channel. Lance Armstrong would be named in the suit as well. Not only because the Discovery Channel sponsors him but because the whole "I beat cancer and you can too" thing is getting really annoying.

I must admit, though, that riding a bike while having testicular cancer has got to be painful. Maybe I will just sue him for a million 'Live Strong' wrist bands. I will take them and throw the yellow bands down into the basement while yelling "AHHHHH!! THE BAD SUN IS COMING TO GET YOU!!"