'Cause I'm Under the Influence of You

I did it again. I did NOT make Time magazines list of the top 100 people who shaped our world. Word has it that I came in a close 367,022, 917th. But I have asked for a recount. There were some votes coming in from Nambia that were not included. And you know my motto, "Every vote should be, umm, counted!"

Eventually I did put my pride high on a shelf, right next to my self-respect, and accepted the inevitable role I play in life. However, looking at the ones that did make the list it does leave one to scratch their head and think, "What the hell?"

The one apparent rule is that the list contains, "the 100 men and women whose power, talent, or moral example is transforming our world." It won't surprise you that I have some comments about some of the people that made this list.

Artists & Entertainers

J. J. Abrams - He is responsible for such shows as Alias and Lost and now Mission Impossible 3. Tom Cruise wrote an eloquent review stating the top reason J.J. should be on the list. Mr. Cruise mentioned, "Look at the Jays we have now—Jay Leno, J. Lo, Jay-Z—but he's got two Js." Ummm...ok.

Ang Lee - Personally responsible for changing the thought pattern of a cowboy who bends down to pick up his saddle, if you know what I mean. *nudge nudge*

Tyra Banks - Didn't she get caught schlurping cocaine? Or was that some other anorexic drugged out supermodel?

Reese Witherspoon - Ok, she was a "dawling" in Walk the Line. That performance would make me vote for her to be on the list. Unfortunately, Legally Blonde 2 would immediately drop her off.

Stephen Colbert - Huh?

Rain - "Rain is big—big!—in Japan." So are tsunamis, typhoons, and earthquakes. But we haven't turned them into "Rain is the face—and well-muscled torso—of pop globalism." I will kill myself now.

Will Smith - Is it me or is Will Smith just not the same since he and Jazzy Jeff broke up?

George Clooney - I tried not to comment about George. I really did. It was in me not to say a thing about him. But here it is....blech.

Scientists & Thinkers

Never heard of any of them. Wait......no not one.

Leaders & Revolutionaries

George W. Bush - I am not sure what this means. But since Time is a left-wing liberal wacko of a magazine it probably means it is a joke. Or they hate black people. And our freedom.

Wen Jiabao - I don't have anything to say about the Chinese Premier, I just like to say his name. Wen Jiabao, Wen Jiabao, Wen Jiabao, Wen Jiabao. But I do bet he "speeks engrish learry good."

Jigme Sinqye Wangchuck - On second thought, I think I like saying the King of Bhutan's name. Jigme Sinqye Wangchuck, Jigme Sinqye Wangchuck, Jigme Sinqye Wangchuck. Hey! Everybody Wangchuck tonight!

Oprah Winfrey - *sigh*

Heroes and Pioneers

In my younger years I use to think of a hero as one who sacrifices his own time, money and even life for others. These people included those who give up their lives for the cause of freedom. A hero is someone who would enter a burning building to save those inside despite personal risk. I even think of those who will do what is right in the face of great adversity and personal sacrifice. Those are my heroes.

Times heroes include: Bono, Michelle Wie, Angelina Jolie, Steve Nash, Paul Simon, Ralph Lauren, Al Gore, and *gulp* Katie Couric. I guess the definition has changed over the years.

Builders & Titans

Ah, who really cares, huh?

So after all of this I give you my personal list of those who shaped my world.

• Sara Lee
• Dolly Madison
• Betty Crocker
• Cartman
• Dirty Harry
• Gilligan
• Tennessee Tuxedo
• Both Sears and JC Penny Catalogs from the early 80's.