Me Va La Fiesta

I learned something yesterday. It is that having a small plate of nachos and two tacos from a roadside vendor is NOT a good idea. It may be if you want to lose weight by only eating one meal a day that literally stays with you all day long and even into the night. Side effects include bloating, gaseous emissions (both nocturnal and...umm...dayturnal), and spontaneous outbursts of Julio Eglesias songs. There is no stopping me when rocking out to Me va, me va, me va, me va, me va.

I have also changed my stand on a hot social topic. There was a time when I thought, "Hell, let the Mexicans come across that border! Who am I to stop them from reaching towards that American dream?" That dream, apparently, involves hanging around Home Depots waiting for some angry white American to load them in the back of a pickup and have them pick weeds all day. Personally MY American dream involves Hostess Donettes and specific members of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders. But maybe that is a post for another day.

Anyway, it has come to my attention, by a reliable resource at the Department of Defense, that all of this is part of a diabolical plan. Mexico is planning a full-scale invasion of the United States by covertly taking over the fast food, lawn care, and janitorial industries. They do this by feeding you delicious "native" Mexican food which will cause stomach and intestine spasms so severe you are knocked out for a good 24 hours. When trying to use the bathroom their elite and highly trained spies in the Janitorial Ninjas back up every toilet in town. Or they may make sure your flush is not as forceful as it should be.

I did hear from my friend at the DOD that the U.S. has launched a counter attack by putting out counterfeit Mexican products that act as a sort of anti-venom. Examples include Taco Bell, Doritos, a frustrated chain-smoking maid named Marge, frozen bean burritos, and Cheech & Chong. These items have their own side effects that can be disastrous, but we all know that some collateral damage in war is accepted.

Note: No Mexicans were harmed during the creation of this post.