J'ai deux amours, mon art et Paris

I think it might be a good time for a career change. Please don't misunderstand me. My job is completely satisfying. I love working 12 - 14 hours a day and still have the constant feeling that the reaper is holding his scythe just above my neck. Every evening I go home and thank my God (not your God, my God is better than your God and loves me more) for the job I have. No, it is that every once in a while I get this feeling to experience something else. For example, one time I really wanted to try ballet. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a codpiece big enough. So I came back to what I am doing now.

The mood that has hit me recently is the craving to aspire to be an aspiring artist.

Currently, I have not chosen what type of art I want to create. One thought is to have a bunch of ants walk through some paint then walk across a clean canvass. Of course, this will be done with varying colors to show the diversity that is in the ant population. It will then be given some obscure title that seems to have nothing to do with the actual painting itself but conveys a deep, and many times dark, meaning that is only understood by me. The title will be something like, "Ants Who Have Walked Through Paint Then Onto a Clean Canvass and Fugue in C Major with the Rondo in F Major."

A showing will be scheduled in a large metropolitan museum. I think there is one in Ackworth, Iowa.

"Professional" artists will come to the showing, hold their hands to their faces with the index finger curled under their noses and the other fingers in the act of holding up their chins because, in reality, they are quite tired being "professional" artists 24 hours hour a day. Going to art showings are the only times they can nap.

At some point someone comes by, accidentally nudges the "professional" artists, and wakes them up. Being cranky from the indolence of the passerby the "professional" artist notices the painting and yells, "Crap! CRAP! I crap better art than this! Off with you! Don't waste my time anymore with such un"professional" work!". They then slyly go back to their nap.

Apparently, in order to be a "professional" artist you have to have a graduate degree in...ummm...I guess...art. Before, during, and after attaining the degree you need to give everything up for your art. When I say everything, I mean everything. That is why the art community has a high percentage of eunuchs.

My only response to that is, when Michaelangelo was painting the Sistine Chapel did the Pope come up to him and ask, "Heya youa," [say in best Italian accent] "youa havea degreea?" At which point the Pope would notice God naked (ok, nearly naked) and walk shyly away embarrassed by such a stupid question. Then again, "professional" artists will say that if he had received a degree then God would have been completely naked just to fight against the oppression of the church. Maybe that is what happened when he sculpted David, by then he got his diploma.

I remember a time when, in order to be a true artist, you would have to move to Paris and paint the Notre Dame Cathedral over and over again. You would never eat (artists are only hungry for their art) but occasionally panhandling for money in front of the Louvre would be necessary in order to buy a knife to cut off your ear and send it to a prostitute.

Being an artist seems to be too much work, therefore my aspiration ends now. There are two reasons for this, 1) I am lazy and 2) I hate the French. Except for french fries. Especially with melted cheese.