Yes, I have a dutch accent. Isn't that weird?

I am traveling for the company again. I would tell you where I am but that would give away the secrecy I am sworn to uphold due to my service as a spy to Canada. No...I am not actually in Canada this time. They kicked me out long ago after a little border "skirmish". So now I am relegated to spying on North Carolina. My apologies, I wasn't supposed to say that.

There are many benefits to business travel. One of which is the free newspaper that awaits you outside your door every morning...except on Saturdays and Sundays. Those days are not considered "newspaper-worthy". There are also many Jews, Seventh-Day Adventists, Mormons, and an occasional Peruvian Monk opposed to the distribution of news on those days. The last thing you want to do is tick off a Peruvian Monk. They do those ninja kicks that will leave you without oxygen for 20 minutes. Really...this has been documented. I think I saw it on TLC once.

This morning the newspaper arrived in it's typical way. Tiny magical fairies, surrounded by a soft sprinkling light, carried it to me on a red velvet pillow. The newspaper was already opened to the sports section. Can I just say I love being at the gold level of this chains membership program? They call me "Goldmember"...and I think you know why. *wink wink*

On days like this I enjoy mingling with the other "road warriors" down at the free breakfast; yet another traveler reward. Because I am a "Goldmember" (*wink wink*) this is another time for the hotel to spoil me. For regular travelers the menu will consist of a pastry, juice, and some fruit. For us "Goldmembers" (*wink wink*) we get a pastry, juice, some fruit, and a $300 an hour escort. Since having escorts so early in the morning has proven to be unhealthy, I declined this offer today and had two pastries.

One more amenity I must speak of are the free toiletries in the bathroom. Of course there is the usual shampoo, conditioner, and soap. But for "Goldmembers" (*wink wink*) we actually get a toilet. This is the best benefit yet because I strap that thing on and I can go anywhere. Literally, "go" anywhere.

They know how to treat their Goldmembers. Of which I am proud to be one. *wink wink*