(Yo Punk Tell Him Why...) The Milk is Spoiled!!

There is a door in a discrete alcove off of the main hallway where I work. In this area there are two doors both labeled with a little human stick figure. There is one figure with a dress and one without a dress. After some serious deductive reasoning I came to the conclusion these were bathrooms. They were definitely not just any old bathrooms either, they once belonged exclusively to executives in a day long before my peon life came to be. I believe the executives would go in and frolic in fields of daisies wearing only frond leaves. But that is just conjecture.

On the door with the stick figure wearing the dress a new sign was added recently that peaked my curiosity. The sign boldly proclaims, "Lactation Room".

I am not a smart man but I do know what goes on in a room like this. Immediately I went to the store. I came back to that secretive alcove in the hallway and knocked on the door showing the stick figure wearing a dress. The "Lactation Room" sign slid open and an eye on the other side asked, "Did Scooby Doo Velma?" I answered, "Only on weekends with Shaggy."

The little opening closed but the door opened. In the room were 3 men wearing dresses eating a plate of brownies and drinking gallons of milk straight out of the carton as they watched the Simpsons.

You have no clue how close to heaven this really is.