A Lawyer Walks Into a Bar

During recent business trips my traveling companion (no, not "that" type of companion) lent me the John Grisham book The Broker. The reading of it was completed a few of days ago. Yet, I still think about it. Why do I still think about this? There are so many other things that could fill up my brain. Like what I will be telling Santa I want for Christmas. I have an appointment with him on Saturday at the mall. He better not screw me over like he did last year. Damn you Santa!!

Thinking about The Broker isn't like I am pondering the deep meaning behind the authors words. It is more like pondering how can an author, who has become well enough off, hire a bunch of lemurs to write the rest of his books? As a matter of fact, I bet if he really let the lemurs go at it, their work could rival some of the classics. But, he doesn't let them. Instead, he chains them to walls in his damp basement so they can type on their little lemur typewriters. All the while a drum beat sets the cadence as he yells at and whips them. Poor little lemurs.

I know this to be true because Mr. Grisham seems to follow the same ole story line, which is this:

1. Include the word "The" in the title.
2. A lawyer embezzles/steals/swindles/sells sex for large gobs of money. I heard an attorney once use the word "gob", so I know it is a true legal term.
3. Previously mentioned shady lawyer goes through multiple struggles to hide said money.
4. Many weapons, poisons, explosives, and episodes of Dharma & Greg are used to threaten the lawyer. What is amazing is that no one ever really dies. Unless it is a "bad" traffic accident. Like the person dies from stubbing their toe getting in a car.
5. The lawyer gets involved with a sexy woman but they never have sex. Even the Amish chick in the movie Witness showed her wares. This can be very frustrating.
6. Eventually the crooked attorney resolves his moral dilemmas but still lives the good life off the ill gotten money in some exotic location...like Albuquerque.
7. The end

*sigh*

Needless to say it will be a long time before I read another Grisham book. I have coined a phrase for this type of writing, "Fast Food Fiction". It fills you up but leaves you unsatisfied. Hell, it doesn't even come with an apple pie.

With this being said, I have decided to go back to the book Ulysses by James Joyce. This was yet another one giving to me by a companion (see above "companion" reference). It hurts to read that book...it hurts a lot. Like shoving a toothpick into your brain and swirling around the grey matter. But, I do it. I do it because I enjoy good literature. I do it so I can say, "Damn you John Grisham and damn you James Joyce!!".