A Picture Clear for Watchin', The Dish is Runnin' Hot

Dear Dish Network,

I would like to sincerely thank you for your outstanding service to me and to the community as a whole. One more day cannot go by without me raining accolades upon you as well as holy kisses and rose petals. When someone asks me to name a great american company, your name immediately jumps from my lips and slaps them across the face with a cosmic "slap slap". The stunned person recovers and says, "Duh! Of course!"

By now you should have noticed I am being sarcastic. You would have known by the tone inflection in my voice to a high squeal when I said "great american company" accompanied by the downward motion of two fingers on each hand.

To explain, over the last 3 days I have been constantly harassed by messages on my TV that the Dish Network ("a great american company") receiver is currently "Acquiring a Signal". Apparently I do not have connectivity to the satellite. This seems to be a bad thing.

For your information I have done all you have suggested. I have made sure there is no snow, clouds, rain, or hazy glow of radiation coming from the nearby nuclear reactor. I also checked for no other obstructions such as trees, buildings, large asian elephants, and Oprah blocking the dish. Just to be sure I removed my backyard neighbors second story from their house. They were on vacation but I am pretty sure they will be pissed when they come back. But it is only more of a hunch.

So after all this I decided my only course of action is to get on the roof and point the dish myself. I moved the dag dang thing all over the wild blue yonder to no avail. Finally, only out of frustration, I pointed it to the smoldering satellite, with the Dish Network ("a great american company") logo, that crashed Friday into the park near my home. I thought the little aliens dancing triumphantly on top of it would throw off the signal, but no. I am now perfectly satisfied with my service.

Love and constant admiration,

AB

PS: The best name for a jazz musician is "Boney James". Although "Boney Johnson" would be better.