When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you

This will be the second post of the week. Can you believe it? Two of them!

wow

Oh, on another note, the baby isn't mine.

So today I show up to work (which I do occasionally) to find a book waiting patiently on my desk. I know the book was waiting patiently because it was humming a merry tune. The book is Uncle Johns Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader. This is a co-worker Christmas present from a...co-worker.

I am not sure about you, but what kind of gift is this? What is this person telling me? Is this a gift you give to someone that spends a lot of time in the bathroom? And how, exactly, does this person know? I do all my best work at home, so it is not like anyone would be timing me.

In flipping through the book, most of the "stories" are about 2 pages long. I would think that even the slowest reader would be able to get through many of these in one "sitting". Unless you just had a mixer bowl of shredded wheat, sprinkled with metamucil, a few hours before.

One enlightening bit of information in the book is what to do if you are in certain emergency situations. For example, what to do when falling from a bridge:

1. If you're forced to jump from a bridge into water, try to aim for the deepest part of the water, usually near the center. Avoid piers or pylons, as debris tends to collect around them.
2. While in the air, keep your body as vertical as possible. Point your toes downward and protect your crotch with your hands. Also clench your buttocks to keep water from rushing in and causing internal damage.
3. Once you're in the water, fan out your arms and legs to slow your decent.
4. If there were other people or objects on the bridge that may be falling down behind you, swim away as quickly as you can.

I have no questions...makes complete sense to me.

I am going into the bathroom now.