And I forget just why I taste

Would you ever have guessed that inserting an object into a specific part of your body would ever bring you such joy? On second thought, knowing what type of people some of you are, I bet you already do. My joy was full a couple of days ago when I discovered such an object.

Before you hide your children, let me explain.

Since Thanksgiving I have had an ugly cold. It certainly wasn't an ugly cold like the guy in junior high school that was teased because of his smell and lack of any cuteness at all (by-the-way, my therapist told me to "get over it"). Never-the-less, it was an annoying cold. Annoying like that fire alarm going right now. Geesh, will someone turn that off?

So I have a cold. But, because I took the bold step of sticking an object in a hole it is now bearable. I love scientists and doctors coming up with these things. Some intelligent person somewhere thought, "what if we take this small little pump and shove it in a sick persons nose and tell them it will relieve their condition?" And I am sure another person said, "Okay! Want some nachos?"

Someday I hope to be the one to cure the common cold. But I also know that would take time and effort. In the meantime, I used one of these apparatus...apparatuses...apparatusi...things. The instructions told me to do the following:

1. Remove cap and safety clip. CHECK
2. Hold with thumb at bottom of bottle and nozzle between your fingers. CHECK
3. Before using the first time, prime pump by depressing several times. CHECK
4. Place tip of nozzle just past nasal opening (approximately 1/8"). CHECK
5. Pump two or three times into each nostril without tilting your head. CHECK
6. Sniff deeply. Do not use more often than once every 10 to 12 hours. Do not exceed two doses in any 24-hour period. Wipe nozzle clean after use. UMMM...CHECK

What is amazing is this sounds similar to my sex life. Except, in this case, it actually works. I was able to breathe and never felt better in my life. All of my life. Now I realize that I have missed some smells. Let me tell you, some of you really need a bath.

Then, I thought again, what is this fascination with doctors and shoving things in peoples body cavities then squirting some solution? (no comment here from the sickos)

Can you imagine the conversation between two doctors?

Doctor 1: We need a cure for severe dry skin.
Doctor 2: How about we take this bottle and tell people to shove it in their rears and squirt soda water into it?
D1: Sounds good!
D2: Let's call it an "enema".
D1: Great, want to get some nachos?

Hats off to Zicam and all it's peon employees who created it. You saved my life. Although I have heard there are lawsuits saying your product causes people to lose their sense of smell. To them I say, "Ppppppfffftttt, I can breathe!"

Oh...before I forget again...my FFF post today. I haven't done it in awhile so I had to go here to remind myself of it. All other participants, please let us know in the comments.

Have a lovely weekend!