Love Me, Baby, Just as I am, Just as I Am

I don't know about you but I really like to add excitement to the humdrum and monotonous ritual of going to the bathroom. Oh sure, I could read books, work on my PDA, have a sandwich, and even sing a little tune. I prefer the famous Everly Brothers song "Bye Bye Love" followed by the raucous Air Supply classic "Just as I Am". But over time these can get boring.

One thing I do (hehe...I said "do") is I get all my exercising done while on the toilet. It is actually a very good workout. For example, I mix in some leg lifts then do some arm twists and, of course, the kegals get stronger.

My favorite exercise is what I call "the hover". To do this put both hands on the seat of the toilet then slowly lift yourself off the porcelin. Hold it there for a count of 10 then sit yourself back down. During your hold try to split your legs out and in. You will want to do approximately 5 reps of 10. Every second one let out a loud, "GEEEEEEEYYYYYEEEEEEAAAHHHH!"

After these you can then do some "bowl ups". This is done by going up and down with your arms like you do in push ups. Except in this exercise you are pushing yourself up from a sitting position on the toilet until your arms are extended. Also extend your legs. Do some 50 sets of 49 1/3 reps of these and you will feel it burn (among other things that are burning). With each one bellow, "GGGGGRRRRRRRRRAAAHHHHH!!"

Now it is time for the squats. Stand with legs akimbo on the seat of the toilet then crouch down. Just a like a normal squat. Do 1000 of these. This exercise will definitely help with the reason you came to the John in the first place. A word of caution for public restroom users, those sanitary seat covers can be slippery.

Upon finishing your last squat, leap from the toilet and yell, "ZZZZRRRROOOMMMMAAAHHH!!"

I became very disappointed upon learning that in certain countries I will not be able to perform these exercises. How depressing. Of course, the countries are places I probably wouldn't want to visit anyway, but my point is my freedom of expression is being curtailed...somehow.

Below is proof as well as my FFF for today.

Malaysia

Saudi Arabia
(Notice I did not block out one of these - I like the silly face. Saudi Arabians are so happy when they take (or leave) a crap)

Others who got off the pot on FFF:

1. Let me know...I am too tired to look :)