His Western Shirts and Leather, Always Look So Boss

If there is one weakness that I have, it is that I am an open-minded sort of person. To prove that point I decided to go on a little adventure over the weekend in exploration of my own heterosexualityantihomophobianess. In other words, I went to go see the highly acclaimed and heavily awarded movie Brokeback Mountain.

In humble confession, it wasn't intentional. I was coming back from getting my barrel of buttered popcorn and large Diet Soda (I am watching my weight) and accidentally walked into the wrong theater. I was actually there to see the manly movie King Kong. However, when all of the people in the audience (coincidently dressed as the cowboy from the Village People) turned to me with a glazy look of glee in their eyes, I felt obliged to stay. Also, my gay hamsters were motioning me to come sit with them.

Today I would like to give you my review of this wonderful and heartwarming movie.

Brokeback Mountain is a raw and forthright portrayal of the forbidden western love of two ranch hands in the dusty and desolate sheep herd trails of Wyoming. Ennis Del Mar (Heath "Hunky But Not Chunky" Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake "Pretty Boy But Likes Women" Gyllenhaal) must hide their poignant feelings for each other among the heated and rugged terrain in which they work. Hate for people "different from them" is rampant among the other ranchers. One night, while sitting around a campfire, one unsuspecting ranch hand was caught with salsa from New York City. The tar and feathering scene was an awakening for the forlorn characters. They realize they must dismiss their affections or suffer at the hands of society's ultra-sensitivities.

In a dramatic farewell, the two walk away from each other into separate sunsets so they can live morally appropriate lives. One would think they would be walking into the same sunset. Or, maybe, it was actually a sunset AND a sunrise. But who am I to argue with cinematic art?

Bigotry, however evil, cannot keep them apart. Ennis and Jack correspond regularly through letters laced with Stetson, IM's, and g-mail. Being from Wyoming they moved on to the only "normal" lives they could find in such a wide-open state. They both married sheep. Unfortunately, society's scrutiny catches up to them again and they have to move on from their wool of love.

There is not a lot a gay cowboy can do with his pent up frustrations and emotions. The next step, the only other thing they feel will give them welcomed relief, was obvious; a tub of Vaseline and a 1987 copy of Cosmo: For Men.

Over time, Jack becomes blind and Ennis finds he is growing hair in the palms of his hands. It becomes obvious to the people in the small towns they both live that the two are doing something that would go against the moral boundaries established by the good people of the state. Unfortunately, a posse of "believers" is rounded up by the Reverend Parker (played by Weird Al Yankovic). The cowboys are run out of town to go "live somewhere else but here." Reverend Parker then celebrates with a potluck in the church parking lot and sang killer karaoke.

The most penetrating scene comes in the end (oops...pardon the pun). Dejected and angry at society Ennis sits shaving his palms on a deserted train station platform. In the background another man, seemingly blind, makes his way up the platform stairs. Ennis notices him. A swelling of emotion moves around his heart, throat, and eyes until he bursts into tears. A tender "Jack?" moves across his lips. The other man stops and silently stumbles with the name, "Ennis?"

I don't want to give the rest of the movie away, but the men come together once again and vow to fight against laws discriminating against their right to love whomever they choose to love. However, before you think it is with each other (WARNING: SPOILER AHEAD), Jack marries a sheep named Doris in a private ceremony in Ottawa. Ennis moves in with a bottle of Vaseline he affectionately calls Erma.

Yeah, I thought it ends kinda weird too.